Do not be over protective
There is always a nexus between parenting to protect the child and parenting to allow experiences that will give the child an opportunity to meet risk or challenge successfully. We hate to think our children may be hurt or feel unhappy. Such feelings are usually transient and not a life time blow.
Support the development of friendships, including the disagreements
Friendships are not always easy. Disagreements are par for the course. One certainly does not need to protect a child from normal disagreement between siblings or friends. Maintaining everyday relationships or friendships, rest on your child's ability to bond flexibly with others. Positive relationships are built on being able to communicate positively, to problem solve and find alternative solutions and the ability to demonstrate restraint. These should first be modeled and supported at home.
Do not be afraid to intervene, dictate boundaries of behavior and follow through.
Pulling a toy from a friend because the child wants it now and is unwilling to wait or share ends in argument and tears. Parent suggestions of taking turns or offering another toy may not necessarily work. A parent might at this stage of non compliance have to remove the child from play for a few minutes. This can be done firmly and lovingly. DO not let the tears weaken parent resolve or make you angry. It is important to continue to renegotiate alternatives calmly and objectively and when all fails it may be necessary to end the period of play. It is then important to revisit later without blame what might have been better choices or ways to show restraint.
Model and teach how to be positively reflective and aware of how one acted.
Help your child to stop and reflect upon the way they behaved or tackled a problem and the impact it has had on how they feel and how others reacted. Reflect upon the good reactions as well as the ones that have gone wrong. Allow children to understand that expectations of how we behave can differ depending who we are with. The amount of restraint required in different formal and informal settings does indeed vary. Thus we might allow a child to lie on the floor and cry or scream in disappointment at home, but this is not so acceptable on the floor of a supermarket. Positive reflection is not the opportunity for a blaming or punishing session. Allow them to meet these challenges without negative comment.
Make good choices and thinking about how people react, a habit.
How we experience the events in our world, and our reactions to them, become habitual. Learning how to regulate ones feelings and inhibit negative reactions is a natural part of development. One does not expect the very young child to be able to hold their emotions. It is normal to seek the support of a parent, become over excited, to cry or to have a tantrum.
Nevertheless, even the young child needs to develop a sense of self reflection and be allowed to suffer the consequences of choice. Choices should not always be dominated, and controlled by adult thinking or the consequences softened by the parent. Children must learn to take responsibility for their own choices and actions. A child will not be ruined for life by being momentarily unhappy.
Children will meet a new set of stresses when beginning school. They have to meet the pressure of peer differences and friendships. In order to cope they will pull at the edges of the good or bad habits and responses they have learned at home. Parents will be responsible in part for those habits.
Also read: Helene Goldnadel on The Anxious Child
It is natural for parents to worry about the safety and quality of care provided to their children. Especially if we are busy at work and have to leave them in the care of daycare centres. When making the right choice about day care, there are some important things to consider making sure you are making the right decision for your child when choosing Cheshire learning and development centres.
So what exactly makes a good quality child care centre and how do we figure out what to look for when searching for the best options? Here's some advice by Helene Goldnadel a life coach.
Everybody and every department in a childcare centre have a part to play. For quality childcare, no one is exempt from raising a child. It is a collective effort and everyone, right from the top, such as curriculum specialists and administrators, to the individual care givers, plays a role in how your child will develop.
Consider how the whole system works together as a whole towards the same goal, if you can see inconsistencies or troublesome personalities in management, then this might be a warning sign that you should put your child somewhere else
The physical building also plays a part in how your child responds to learning. Is it clean and organized? Ultimately, a day care centre should be clean and tidy to avoid accidents. It is a good sign that your centre is a smooth running and effective facility when everything is organized and neat.
Also, will the children have enough space for fun, games and other activities in relation to how many children there will be attending during the course of the day? It might be a great nursery, but if it is oversubscribed and there aren't enough facilities or space then your child will suffer.
Staff and curriculum
You should inquire about the way staff handle behavioral issues and other procedures so that you can predict how your child will be treated. There are different methods and tactics that carers use, but every child is different so you must consider how your own child will respond to their environment.
There is also the presence of curriculum. The structure of schedules show at a glance the quality of services provided at the day care. Do they observe reading time, quiet time, nap, and physical activity time and also include individual activities? An organized curriculum helps to stimulate the mind of the child and makes daily life more fun and interesting.
Something else to note is the training level and standards of staff. Do they have the necessary credentials to be caring for children of particular ages? Do they have much experience in this field?
Emergency training is an important one such as CPR, first aid, fire and emergency evacuation. These are basic things but if you can rest assured that staff are properly prepared for these eventualities then you can be at peace while you leave your children for the day.
What's for lunch?
What are the children served for lunch and snack time? Although you can't control every aspect of their life at learning and development centres, you should at least ensure that they are being served fresh and healthy food!
Does the centre have an in-house cook that prepares nutritious meals and not junk food? Because what your eats is important and can be likened to them receiving proper nurturing and care.
It is important to review the quality of a day care centre before committing your child there for any long periods of time. Ultimately, your child will likely to spend more time there than any other place during their important development years!
Bring out the genius in a child is a responsibility that all parents should undertake. It requires you to have a strong, positive attitude towards the learning process. Every child looks up to his or her mommy or daddy as a role model. If you are a parent yourself, you must guide your child and encourage her to have a deep, abiding thirst for knowledge. Your attitude will determine, to a large extent, how much and how fast your child will learn to read and enjoy reading.
For example, if you constantly bring work home and complain about how much material you have to read, it will have an adverse effect on your child. But if your child sees you absorbed in reading the newspaper or magazine or if she follows you to the library to select books, she will realize that you enjoy reading and will want to emulate you. Her natural insatiable appetite for learning, her sense of wonder, will accord her great enjoyment as she pursues the idea of reading, generated from the example you have set. Your can teach your child to read, help your child develop language, thinking and genius skills at home at an early age by following some reading tips by Helene Goldnadel.
1) Have an environment surrounded by books
Go for colorful, visually rich children's books. There are lots of such books out there and children are often intrigued by the pictures and colors that pique their interest.
2) Read Out Loud
Read stories or nursery rhymes aloud to your child. Set aside 15 minutes to half an hour each day for this. Besides establishing a warm and close relationship with your child, there is intellectual value in these sessions. Read aloud have more than one benefit. Your child will be deeply happy and contented to receive your full attention. You also build a close bond between you and your child as being close gives her a sense of your care and love and this helps her to feel secure.
Your child will also be completely absorbed in the in the stories and their development and this builds mental stimulation. The best time for read aloud is just before bedtime. She has had her dinner and bath, and has changed into her PJs for the night. She will be responsive and eager to indulge in hearing the written word as she listens intently to the different tones in your voice. Your child may even choose her favorite book or story for you to read. It does not matter if it's the same book 2 nights in a row, repetition has its own advantage.
Sometimes your child may seem impatient, preferring you to skip certain pages and come to the good part. She is probably going through a creative phase and you should not be discouraged. She may prefer a new story or she may want a nursery rhyme instead. Whatever the case, nothing is wasted. The important point is that your child should enjoy such sessions and with it, comes the pleasure of learning, as long as she is learning at her own pace. Always remember to change your pitch and tone, and a fair bit of acting helps, to give your child a sense of the story-line and the characters involved. This will certainly add to her enjoyment of the story.
3) Consistency Is The Key
Try to stick to a consistent reading schedule as far as possible. Postponing a reading sessions devalues the child and the reading, regardless of whether the cause is a late night phone call, household chores or visitors. Consistency is important for story time because it gives your child the experience of participation. She holds the book with you and turns the pages, sometimes going back to ask a question on a character, a picture or a word. She may recite a familiar line even before you read it or read a line from another book because she recognize certain patterns.
She may point out a picture she has seen elsewhere, finding a similar word to describe a picture or a situation. Reading is an activity that she can actively participate in and it is very important to her. By giving it due importance, you are allowing your child to develop a feeling that reading and books are vital, fun and an intrinsic part of life.
The main engine of development of a child is the accumulation of human values from the family. Human values broadly defined, has several aspects, including love, respect for elders, kindness, cooperation, honesty, politeness, sympathy and empathy are considered to be a key determinant of developed personality. The personality of a man is depended upon the family in which he lives. Better formation from the family generates the child's mental growth and there by benefits the society.
"Education which does not teach us to discriminate between good or bad, to assimilate the one and eschew the other is a misnomer," said Mahatma Gandhi. The purpose of education is not only to make our children literate and merely develop individual skills but to make them appropriate human beings with positive and integrated elements of their respective societies. Thus such values as punctuality, cleanliness, respect for elders, helping the less fortunate, team work and discipline, give the socially integrated citizens a better place to live on this earth. We know the process of social integration begins in the family. Researchers observe a positive relation between family and society. As family is the cradle of social life, we can say that good social beings come from good families. A person's character, skill and social awareness are determined by the family which he or she lives. The training from the family should be a means drawing out the best of the body, mind and spirit in a child. The experience in the family should be joyous to the child. Then only the child can develop a positive attitude towards society. On the other hand a child who experiences any kind of hardships from the family has a chance to develop negative attitude towards him and society, which may end up his or her life as anti-social or unscrupulous. Here the role of family to bring up the child in the proper channel can in no way be under looked.
Milton in his 'Paradise Regained' has said, "The childhood shows the man as morning shows the day". Wordsworth expresses the same fact though less poetically but more cryptically when he says "child is father of the man". Both the poets positively assert that childhood lend itself to prediction that tomorrow's man is there in today's child just as the future tree is there in today's seed, invisible to the naked eye. If the skills and capabilities in the child be properly channelized we witness great personalities who challenge the dynamic world. The lives of much great man illustrate this point of view. Napoleon had built forts of snow as a child, Nelson as a child never knew what fear meant, Macaulay talked printed words even as a child of two years. These people and many such kept up their childhood promises and became great men in later life. We can undoubtedly say that such personalities will derive only from a better home-environment.
But we also see a number of boys and girls who score brilliant ranks in schools and colleges and show great promise, but soon vanish in the wilderness of shapeless future. Nobody knows what had happened to them except perhaps their own near and dear ones. Like drops of rain that falls on desert sand they disappear. The complexities of life, the problems that face them perhaps overwhelm them. Their facilities disintegrate by degrees and they move to obscurity. They are the people who need guidance. Better home-environment would keep their inner light burning.
The mind of a child is something like a piece of wax which can be easily fashioned into any shape we want, the only thing is, and it needs the skilled hand of a master artist. The virgin mind that is not ravaged by the complexities of life is ready to receive; whatever is planted will grow; thorns or flowers; gardens or grasslands. Give it to a Jijibai or Moropanth. The world will witness 'Sivajis' and 'Lakshmibahais' give it a Dhritarshtra, the world will be plagued with Duryodhanas and Dussasanas.
This brings out the importance of the family-environment that shapes the mind of a growing child. A happy home with loving parents will definitely contribute the healthy growth, while a suffocating atmosphere in the family might crush the fair promises. The fast disintegrating family life, as a result of pseudo-civilization which has rung a death knell to many time tested values is at the root of the crisis of character and growing unrest all over the world. In short the role of parents in a child's overall development is definitely a crucial one. We have lots of tips for taking it further. Don't criticize or compare the child with others, encourage the child in any of his or her creativity, praise the child in success, provide honest answers to the child, be patient to the child, parents should try to build a genuine relationship with the child, try to understand the feelings of the child, share the happiness and sorrows, satisfy the child's social and psychological needs and we will witness challenging personalities.
Also read: Are Toys Important For Child Development?
Most of the people believe that parenting is a natural thing and comes with the birth of a child, especially for a woman. Men living with a family learn it with passage of time and intimacy with a child. On the other hand, a temporary parent, such as a foster parent or a person who wishes to adopt one has to learn it by attending classes and courses to qualify them as parents.
The fact is that an abusive parent can be a biological parent as well as an adoptive or a foster parent. No amount of training and teaching can change an adult's nature and conduct. What really matters is the fact that a person loves a child and this love is unconditional.
Beginning Of child Abuse
Although anyone can become a parent just be a stroke of luck or even by a careless interaction, but acting responsibly towards your child is not just by a stroke of luck. Child abuse records show that people have been abusing children even in their infancy. This is basically due to the lack of parenting knowledge.
As every child have his own pace of growth and a different time frame of achieving their development milestones, the child comes under fire for not achieving what the parents see another child doing at the same age. This has been a very strong reason for parents to act irrationally with a toddler or a preschooler.
What has to be realized is that nothing is wrong with the child's learning but it is the parents who need an additional class or two.
The terms disciplining and abusing are indeed far apart, but the difference in their practical implication has a hairline boundary. Some parents with the intent to discipline their kids very easily transgress across this boundary in to the realm of abuse without actually having any bad intention.
What is needed for the parents to understand is that this is the age of a child to explore and experiment the world beyond the four walls of the house being separated from the parents. They learn a lot of things from others at play and at school and interact as an individual. They need to be guided but not punished for follies. These kids still need timeout and curfews but not sever punishments which fall in the category of abuse.
This is the most delicate period of a child's life where the final imprint on a personality is imprinted. A teen is a person who needs extra careful handling by the parents as after this parents relation with a child will totally depend on adult reciprocal basis. A teen who is severely punished and abused by the parents is likely to become a negative personality who considers many wrongs as rights and continues the legacy of child abuse with his own children.
This is the minimum negative effect, where as it is a proven fact that almost all of the notorious criminals have records of childhood abuse by their caregivers which led them to the world of crime and psychopathic life.
Who needs parenting guidance?
It is not a matter of shame or embarrassment, but a common fact that we all do not know everything about everything. We all love our kids and want the best for them. This best should start right from our own homes and right from a mother's lap and father's arms.
A child must feel secure with his parents and have the confidence in his parents as his rescuers from a situation at any age right from toddler-hood to teens. This is only possible when a parent knows how to handle a situation and the best way is to learn parenting to avoid inappropriate action on the part of the parent.
As a parent you should:
- Accept the way your child is as an individual.
- Take advice from parents with more parenting experience and with successful kids.
- Approach parenting groups in your area.
- Read good books about parenting and know about child development stages.
One must realize the fact that when we decide to grow plants and flowers in our garden we do not hesitate to read and get advice about tending to their needs and proper care. So, why shouldn't we get the same advice about tending the biggest treasures of our life - Our children.
Also read: Positive Parenting Tips by Helene Goldnadel